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Establish healthy boundaries with the desired spouse

The term ‘co-dependent’ was first coined when referring to a relationship that involved a drug addiction (for example the spouse of an alcoholic with that person’s addiction in the relationship ). Since then, the term has expanded to include all relationships that are mutually exclusive. When you have a spouse who needs help, it can be a stressful, stressful experience that feels more like a parent than a partnership. In these relationships, usually a partner is very strong, independent and self-sufficient. That person knows what to do, what to do, and where to go. Although all of these behaviors seem to represent self-esteem, the mutual partner suffers from low self-esteem.

It is this person who represents the unity. In every effort to help another partner, there is a sense of guilt, a need for control, and a lack of trust in oneself and others. One of the reasons why a strong partner will choose a weak one is need. When you only know what it’s like to be a caretaker, a babysitter, or in “survival” as a child, as you grow up, your idea of ​​safety can fulfilling social roles. What cohabitants quickly learn is this: having a demanding spouse can be exhausting.

Poor married couples have their own problems. They tend to be weak, dependent, have little self-confidence, and constantly define their lives by partner-dependent. The partner who needs help is also the one who wants to always be part of the relationship (like let’s go shopping, watch TV together, go everywhere together, have all friends , etc.) and did not see his existing life. no one else. It is a clear example of enmeshment where the relationship has social structure but no relationship.

So what do you do when you know you are a desirable person but you are married to someone who needs you too much? You should set a healthy schedule. This is a HUGE paradigm shift in marriage. When two people are used to working in certain roles, it will take a long time to change and change out of this pattern but it can be done. To re-establish healthy boundaries, both partners must be willing to change ideas. Once you have that, here are 4 ways to create healthy boundaries with your spouse:

1) Let go of the need to control your spouse. Let your spouse decide for himself and believe that no matter what, the situation will work out. That doesn’t mean you give up all control or that you close your eyes to conversations and events that matter. It just means that you leave the need to be the point person, the final say-so or the one who is responsible for all the decisions.

2) accept that you are enough with exactly what you have and do your justice (but not more than that). If you’re used to doing all the housework (and you secretly do it because you think you’re the only one who’s good at it), let that go. Make your spouse’s room, make the bed, wash the dishes, take care of the children, even if the end result is not what you want. Do enough and don’t try to overcompensate by doing everything.

3) Say what you think. One of the main problems for people who have cooperation is the inability to communicate their thoughts and feelings. This is where hiring a qualified, licensed therapist can come in handy. In order to improve the well-being of a spouse who needs help, you must learn how to communicate your needs and how to communicate when they are in and out of touch.

4) Be okay with being alone. Alone does not mean lonely. One of the most common fears participants share is unwanted. But the reason he is afraid of this is not because that person needs 24/7. Because the person is afraid that if he is not wanted then others will see that there is no value in the relationship and will walk away. That is an unfounded fear. Sometimes, you have to admit that you are good enough just the way you are. Come to a place where you can say, “If this person leaves me, I’ll be fine, if this person walks away, I’m fine, no one can break my heart . Alone doesn’t mean. I have to be alone as long as I like the company I keep” is important for setting up a healthy environment with someone in need. . If you are always afraid of something coming out of you, you will not set boundaries that allow you to say yes or no. You will say that out of fear rather than love and there is no way for anyone to live.

In the end, we like who we are. In a relationship, we are mirrors of each other. Rarely do you ever have a partner without a partner needing competition. The gift in any relationship is that you are brought together with this person who has the greatest ability to help you heal and learn what you were born to heal and know. Don’t see this as a problem, a trial, or an affliction. See this as an opportunity to learn, grow, and set a healthy schedule.

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